my ass won't stop burning after eating flaming Cheetos why the fuck would anyone ask for this

I like to think I'm a good person, but clearly I am mistaken as karmic retribution was hidden inside a couple Jamaican patties; laying in wait until the right moment to spew out of my ass like the fiery eruption of Pompeii, and I'm afraid I will be the only casualty in this one... I didn't think it would end like this...

Ive been having abdominal pains and liquid fecal matter I can't figure out Whats going on with me after I take a poop my anus burns

I've currently been sitting on the toilet for 3 hours. IT BURNS SO BBAAADDD

WHAT THE FUCK IM DYING I HAD TO SHIT THEN I WENT TO THE TOILET AND IT WOULDNT COME OUT. So I sat there watching Netflix on my phone and still nothing happened. So I set my phone onto the counter and said a short prayer to God that my shit would come out. I put my hands on my knees and took a deep breath and then I began to push. IK it's bad for you but I had the feeling to shit so bad it just needed to come out. So with all my might I pushed and what comes out? A mf pebble ass turd I wanted to kms. All that work for a fuckin pebble. then I tried again and I ripped my asshole. Now it's burning. I feel like Bella from twilight when she was turning into a vampire. Only the transformation is starting from my anus. I feel like Bill Clinton and Trump are having wild sex in my anus and everything is on fire. Satan is tryna come out to play. My anus heard my mixtape and now it's on fire. Fuckin world war 3 is at its prime in my butt. Now I can't move because my butt is on some mad drugs. Pls pray 4 me

Day 6, no signs of the burning letting up. Im severely dehydrated and need medical attention immediately. From now on i only eat bread and potato skins.

I'm currently on the toilet. It burns like a motherfucker to shit. I am sweating a lot. I'm shaking. Someone PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. I start school tomorrow. I don't want to be shiting like this on the first day back. And I'm on my period. Could life get any worse?

IM DYING RIGHT NOW OMG MY BUMHOLE IS BURNING SO MUCH

My fucking but burns what the fuck do I do I mean since u drink milk to calm down spicy foods when u eat then should I like sit I a bucket of milk I am currently on the toilet and in pain

Holy shit, it burns so bad. Feels like mini cuts, and whenever I try to cool it down with water, It burns even worse. It's never gotten this bad for me, I'm not even finished and I want to die.